And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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