All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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