dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
