grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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