I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
