her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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