He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
