Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize