Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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