I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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