He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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