WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
