My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize