But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
