Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
