I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
