i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
