At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize