I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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