New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
