Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
