just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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