Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
