if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I yelled at your uterus for you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
