Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
