I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
