Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i now understand why vodka
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
