we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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