when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
someone owes me an orgasm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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