The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
