Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
