I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he puts the penis in happiness.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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