I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
