Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
