I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
