i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
