New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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