You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
