its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
