How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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