"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
