I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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