Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
