Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
