He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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