The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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