I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up under a house in Key West
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize