i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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