I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
