Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
