You smell like stripper and shame
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't notice because vodka
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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