The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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