My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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