Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My dick has a subreddit
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
