go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
