If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
