Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
