Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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