Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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