Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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