I just gift wrapped bread.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
