An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
