around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
