I think I died a long time ago.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And then he peed in my hair
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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