I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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