dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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