Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
