I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
